It Should Be Me
by ToxicWednesday
Summary: Kimberly's thoughts on Tommy's wedding day. My response to some recent revelation made in the 25th anniversary special!


I shouldn't have come.

My brain is still rattled as it comes to the realization that I'm at Tommy and Katherine's wedding. How did I get here? I've been living on autopilot this whole morning, just nodding and following along to whatever Trini is saying. I haven't really spoken or eaten... I don't think. I don't know. I don't care.

The thought of putting anything in my mouth sounds revolting to me.

The cathedral here in Reefside is what fairy tale dreams are made of. I've never seen a building more beautiful. The white flowers lining the aisle brings the nature inside, while the architecture leaves me breathless. There are rows and rows filled with rangers from the past and present waiting for the wedding of the century. The wedding of the most decorated ranger in history.

It's taken a lot of me to admit that this is all wrong. This wasn't the way things were supposed to work out. Things between Tommy and I have been different for years now. After I broke up with him there was a time where we didn't speak, but everything changed after Muranthias. We became friends again and although he was dating Kat, I was happy for him. I didn't have any romantic feelings for him anymore. I had moved on to someone else and so had he. That was pretty much it... until they broke up. Things changed then.

We saw a lot more of each other since I moved back to California to go to College. I had broken up with my douche ex and was looking to start over new. Tommy and I became closer than ever and I could feel something slowly brewing below the surface. We would have our days in where we would curl up on the couch at his house or mine and just watch movies and even study together until we were both too exhausted to make the trip back to our own places. Things were good. I missed him. I missed our friendship, but things could never be simple between us because Tommy and I can never just be friends. We've always been more than that. The years went by and our relationship stayed the same, neither moving forward in fear of the rejection from the other. We were constantly badgered by our friends asking us when our wedding day was coming. We would laugh and joke, but there was always a flicker in our eyes. Hope, maybe? Still, nothing happened.

Years passed and Tommy finally graduated with his PhD. I, on the other hand, moved back to Florida to take over Coach Shmidt's position in the gymnastics team. He retired and there was an opening. It was my dream job and although I hated to leave California again, I couldn't refuse.

Tommy and I kept in touch, but we found ourselves drifting as we allowed the distance come between us again. It wasn't like last time, but things weren't like they used to. When I saw him at our ten year high school reunion after not seeing him for months, I saw him differently. I no longer saw him as Tommy, but this grown man that oozed so much confidence. I didn't realize it was him.

We spent the whole night at each other's side, drinking and dancing. Everyone thought we had gotten back together and for a moment, I wanted it to be right. He walked me to my hotel room, the protective nature in him not allowing me to be by myself in fear of some Neanderthal hitting on me. It's enough to make me swoon.

We ended that night on the door step of my room. I couldn't let him leave just like that, I refused. The alcohol in my system only allowed me to pluck up the courage to do what I really wanted to do, and that was to kiss him. And I did, and the strangest part was that he did too. It was a kiss to end all kisses, one that would forever set the bar for what I would come to expect. We parted with shaky breaths and a promise that things would be different, but I didn't see him again for a few months after that.

The day things changed was when we all went to Jason and Trini's destination wedding. That was the weekend we gave into temptation. A moment that I still treasure deep in my heart. A moment that still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it. It may have been the beautiful water lining the coast in Cape Cod or the gentle breeze that made me lean in close to stay warm, but Tommy and I spent the weekend giving into the tension that had been building between us for so long. It felt right. But when the sun came up on the morning we all had to leave, I ran. My fears of being in a relationship with him again pushed him away and I told him our friendship was too important to me to destroy it.

It hurt him, he wanted more... Jason told me so a year later, but by then it was too late.

Things didn't exactly go back to normal right away, they couldn't. He wanted more, I wanted more, but we worked through it to strengthen our friendship I was determined for things to change, but I needed more time.

When Zack and Angela tied the knot, I was in Florida at a tournament for my gymnasts. I couldn't miss it, no matter how badly I wanted to be at the wedding; so I sent my apologies, my best wishes, and a world-class espresso machine.

I had been so busy training my girls that I hadn't had the opportunity to be in California. The wedding was my chance to tell Tommy that I wanted this just as badly as he did. I wanted it to be done in person.

Trini tells me that Katherine had been feeling down since her relationship with her ex boyfriend didn't work out. Tommy was there as a friend for her when she showed up dateless to the wedding. They had spent the day catching up as friends, talking about the regret they both had that let them become so distant. Their high school relationship didn't last long, it was over by graduation and there were no hard feelings there. They simply parted as two friends, but when they met again as adults... things were different. Feelings were different. Maybe they were both lonely. It doesn't matter anymore, things changed.

And when they had a moment... she didn't run away. She knew what she had and treasured it, something I should have done. That was one year ago. I guess the rest is history.

When I got their invitation in the mail, I felt sick. If I'm being honest with myself, I didn't think they were going to last. I thought I still had time. After the shock passed, I came to accept what was to come. Trini, of course, told me I couldn't miss it, but I didn't think she would convince me to show up.

I've made my mistakes and now I have to live with the consequences of the things I've done.

There he is. Standing tall at the end of the alter, patiently waiting for the woman he will marry.

The once fearless man is shaking in his place, struggling to keep his cool on the outside. Jason is making a few jokes in his ear, trying to calm Tommy's nerves, and he laughs, but the smile never quite reaches his eyes. Zack, Billy, and Rocky try to bring out a few chuckles as well, but Tommy is paying no attention to them.

He's looking out into the crowd, trying to see who made the trip to Reefside to witness this moment. His eyes stop when they meet mine. I don't think he thought I would show up. I didn't think I would show up, but how couldn't I? He smiles that beautiful smile at me, and I give him one in return. We can't look away from one another, our eyes locked by a force in the universe that wants to intervene.

I was his whole world once up a time and he was mine. We talked on numerous occasions about how our wedding day would be, down to the type of silverware we would use.

I don't think _this_ was a thought we ever had, but this is our reality.

That should be me he's waiting for.

Our locked gaze is interrupted by the angelic sound of the string instruments beginning the music for the wedding party. He gulps as he forces himself to look away from me and turns his attention to the large doors at the entrance of the church.

Tanya, Aisha, Cassie, and Ashley slowly trickle in dressed beautifully in their pale pink bridesmaids dresses. They're greeted with smiles as we all impatiently wait for the star of the show.

Here she comes, his bride. Beautiful, Kind, Loving... all the things he deserves.

She walks with so much grace and elegance, gliding down the long aisle to the man she will marry.

I've always said that you can tell how loving a marriage will be by seeing the gaze the groom is giving his bride to be while she's making her way down the aisle. You can't see anything more pure in that moment. And although it's my favorite part of a wedding, I refused to look at Tommy. I cant. It hurts too much.

Things start off relatively easy and for a moment I think I'll be okay, but then the vows begin and I feel like I'm breathing through a straw.

I'm trying to not look like a fool by succumbing to the desperate need to cry. I'm swallowing the knot in my throat as I force myself look straight ahead and watch Tommy marry Kat.

But if I did shed a few tears, I wouldn't be the only one. I see Katherine's beautiful mother wiping a few stray tears a few rows in front of me. Tommy's mother is smiling brightly as her little boy shares his wedding vows with the woman he will spend the rest of his life with. The woman that he'll _share_ a life with and all that there is to come.

Then there is a silence.

I feel Katherine freeze when the priest asked if anyone had any objections, followed by a few wondering eyes turning my way. I pretend to not notice, pretend that I can't feel them burning a hole in the back of my neck.

I have many words that I want to say but it's too late. I can't. I won't.

Trini is squeezing the life out of my hand. I think to keep me from doing something that I would regret, but I'm thankful because the numbing pain radiating from my hand lets me remember that this isn't a dream and I'm truly living my nightmare.

With no objections, the priest continues.

That was my chance and I let it go. I'm trembling as I anticipate the end of the ceremony coming to a close. I've been to enough wedding to know what comes next.

The claps and cheers from their first kiss as husband and wife reminds me to breathe. My eyes can't help but glisten with moisture. The love in their eyes towards one another has my heart galloping and I can't help but smile.

I made it through the ceremony. I did it.

The priest introduces the new Mr. and Mrs. Oliver to a few more cheers.

Their hands are intertwined as they smile brightly, never looking more beautiful as a couple than they do now. I don't know why, but I'm clapping for them. I can't help myself.

I don't believe it... am I actually happy for them?

They're walking hand in hand down the aisle, smiling and nodding to all the guests that showed up as they make their exit. Kat and I share a simple smile, and as she leaves with the man of my dreams, I can feel a piece of my heart that he possessed being returned.

Trini comes up and hugs me as tightly as she can from behind with her swollen belly and I lean back into her embrace.

I'm calm. I'm at peace. I'm feeling complete again.

I shouldn't have come... but I'm glad I did.

* * *

 **Author Note** : Hey Guys! Long time no talk, huh? Things have finally settled around here and I will be back to uploading new chapters, but it might not be as often as it used to be. I had this idea in my head for a few days and I just couldn't get it out. This was inspired by the confirmation of Tommy and Kats relationship in Ninja Steel and the Comic, and Chelsy Davy at a certain wedding this year lol. if you guys haven't heard the news then you guys have been SLEEPING. I've actually had a few people ask me what I thought about this and this is what I truly think: I'm not surprised and I'm not upset about it. I'm sure you guys thought that I wouldn't be supportive or something, but I honestly don't mind. It's not my favorite, but I'm not against it or anything. I'll read some Tommy/Kat if it's done nicely lol. But don't expect me to write any more Kat/Tommy though lol. I will be back to my normal Tommy/Kim fics. Maybe I'll write another one shot that leaves a happier taste in your mouth after this being kind of.. sad? Also, don't hate me either lol, I didnt make Tommy/Kat canon, alrighty? Oh, and guys... can people please stop being so mean to Catherine Sutherland? She seems like the nicest and sweetest person and she gets the most hate. It's unbelievable. Don't hate the actor. If you're truly upset then go have a few words with the writer.

I also want to add that I can't believe it's been 25 years since MMPR first made its debut, that's huge. Shows DONT last that long. Share with me how PR has changed your life, I know it's changed mine.


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